The first thing Man did was declare himself king of all the other creatures of earth. The second thing he did was beat up the other guy who didnt agree with him. Really, go read a history book.

Why does it matter if you win or lose on a point? I will concede that some arguments are of value: for example, you may not want your child to spend his life being named Dweezil (or maybe you do, I dont know). But there is just so much shit that we argue over that just doesnt matter.

The bottom line is, you are not right until it doesnt matter what other people think. You are only correct if you dont care what anyone else in the world thinks. Until you can stand to have your point criticized, shredded and ripped down by the masses, it is meaningless.

Do YOU care what others think?

Ask me who I am and Ill give you ten million answers, all true and all fake. Tell me who you want me to be today, and Ill be that. Tell me who to be tomorrow, and I can be that just as easily.

Who are you when you're alone? You are nothing and nobody. No masks to put on and no gaps to fill, no parts to play or days to save. You have all of that IN you, but no need to use it.

Go ahead and be whatever you want to be. You can go "fake" it if you want; ham it up! One day you can be Little Bo Peep an the very next, Atilla the Hun. Be Jesus while smoking a joint, be Beelzibub while sitting in church.

Every single one of us is a serious case of multiple personality disorder. Be whoever you want to, whenever you want to.

WHO do you need? There isnt a lot of stuff that you need- food and a warm sweater, maybe a good pair of walking shoes. But what about people? We are herd animals, we get so used to the idea of people being around that we forget about how much of our lives depend on them. We put our expectations and fears and needs into the hands of others because our biology seems to dictate that we do to keep society going.

I urge you to think about what you need from other people. Every little thing, every part of the day, be aware of what you expect. From the guy at Mickey Ds making your burger right to your cousin picking you up from the airport, think about how much of you life depends on other people.

Minimize it. Take that power back. Your homework is to find ways to be more self- sufficient. Learn to cook your own gourmet meals and learn basic first aid. Walk to the store instead of taking the train. Write a story instead of reading someone else's. No man is an island, no man can BE an island, but the less power you give others, the less potential there is to be let down.

In the Beginning, and I do mean THE In The Beginning, what was there? No light, no sound, no coffee shops or websites. There was the Word. Do you know what that means? That in he abscence of everything, the only thing that there was, that could possibly be, was a Word. I dont know what the Word is, it could very well have been "sausage".

What matters is that it was an idea. Words are audible thoughts, and thoughts are power. You can take away everything or you can put everything there is in one place, and it doesnt change the fact that there was that one Word. That Word, that IDEA, is the most powerful thing that can ever exist.

Ideas, thoughts, mental images... they dont require anything to exist. Even when your eyes are closed and your body still and your conciousness reduced to just about nil, you still have thoughts. That single thought has the power to create an entire universe down to the smallest detail. That universe may never become physical reality, but the fact that it was thought makes it REAL. It EXISTS. You have memory of that thought, you can recall specifics. Memories of nothing dont exist, therefore the thought must be real.

Thoughts are the most powerful things you can posess. Fuck money and women and drugs. A single thought, accompanied by corresponding sound, can alter existence.

Ive said it once and Ill say it again. He who holds the key t Babel is the most powerful person in existence.

The purpose of life is to be happy. Thats it, thats the whole reason for being. If you wanna go build a religion or martyr yourself, be my guest.

The goal is NOT Elightenment, Nirvana, Utter Bliss or any of that fluffy religious shit. There is no such thing as permanent happiness- things WILL annoy you, no matter what you do or where you go.

Your mission is to train your brain to be happy as much as possible. Trust me, it will take time, and it is a hell of a lot harder than it sounds. Learn how to let things go, dont let everything affect you. Stop holding grudges and do not obsess over the past. Let life happen, because you dont have much control over it.

Just be happy. Nothing else matters and nothing else is real. THAT is the meaning of life.

Stop striving for perfection. It's impossible. It's a myth. It is the Holy Grail, beautiful and powerful and pure and utterly unattainable.

Tell me, WHY do you want perfection? You know the sudden orgasmic rush of accomplishing something great, be it getting an A on a midterm paper or having a baby. But what next? Once you have attained that perfection... it doesn't continue. Perfection is a momentary thing if you can even get it, and the letdown afterwards is a bitch, plain and simple.

Perfection doesn't exist permanently. You will make yourself utterly miserable looking for it. Real, lasting happiness is learning to take joy in the little mistakes. Don't just accept the flaws as being inevitable, but love them, look for them and take in that little quirk.


Don't strive for perfection in yourself, and don't ask others for it in themselves. Perfection is a fool's mirror, and it will only make you miserable.

"Remember this: the people you're trying to step on, we're everyone you depend on. We're the people who do your laundry and cook your food and serve your dinner. We make your bed. We guard you while you're asleep. We drive the ambulances. We direct your call. We are cooks and taxi drivers and we know everything about you. We process your insurance claims and credit card charges. We control every part of your life."

-Tyler Durden, "Fight Club" written by Chuck Palahniuk

All men are created sorta equal. We each were born with a different set of tools to get us through life- some got brains, some got looks, some got trust funds. We are not all the same, but we are EQUAL in the amount of skill we have to survive.

So many things dont matter, but we put signifigance on them. What you do or how much money you have dont matter in the very least. You are no better than anybody else, and you are no worse. You have no right to abuse people who serve you, and the people you serve have no right to abuse you.

Subconciously we classify the world into those who are unapproachably "great" and the lowlife scum that you deem not notice. We all do it, but the trick is to stop.

Ladies and gents, life is a game and nothing more. It's poker. Use the cards you get and play your hand to its full potential. With the right bluff, a pair of twos can beat a flush.

The thing about people is that they don't stay. They come into your life, you know them for a bit, and then they aren't there any more- you grow out of touch with them, there's a fight, someone dies, they move away... anything.

An pessimist would think that everyone leaves you, and that you end up alone and lonely in the end.

An optimist sees this not as a loss, but as a lifelong opportunity to meet new and interesting people.

Loss of people is not good or bad. There IS NO SUCH THING as good or bad, after all. This is just how life works. The mistake that people make in regards to other people is that they treat them like belongings- "This is MY friend/ coworker/ mother/ child/ spouse, and I will not let them go anywhere." All people are wont to move and explore, and eventually you must learn that it is cruel to not let go and let them.

To truly be happy with other people in life, you have to let go. If they love you, they will find their way back eventually, maybe, perhaps not. If you love them, you will not tie them. And if you want YOU to be happy, you will constantly leave yourself open for other people to know you.

Seems to me that a lot of people dream about violence. Its not a good thing and its not a bad thing, it just is. WHY do we dream like that? Arent we supposed to be a civilized species, supposed to be above such carnalities in our daily lives? I think that we're just pretending on that. We're just barely civilized, so that bloodthirstyness is always just waiting below the surface. We spend all day supressing the urge to hurt and hunt and kill, and so it comes out in our dreams and fantasies.

Now the question is, do we still want this semi- utopic facade that we hide under? If it seemed even remotely possible, would we all just give up and go for an anarchistic society, one that would eventually dissolve back into "base" animalism? If we all dream of violence and blood, do we still want to be civilized?

So the question to you today is this: Salad or steak?

Today's lesson is simple. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Life will be fun and suck no matter what you do.You really dont have any control. Now stop lamenting it- thats just how it works. Take what you do have and find the joy in it. Even if you're in jail without parole, learn to find joy in the breeze during excercise time. Even if you get cancer, learn to find joy in the taste of an apple. Even if everyone you know and love dies, learn to find joy in memory.

There is no short cut in this. Nobody can make it any better for you- you are the only one who can change your world. Before you open your mouth to complain, think of a way to fix it.

You dont get a choice in which sex you are when youre born. You also dont get a choice in which society you get born into. Sorry, thats how it works. But you are NOT your sex. You may posess a penis or vagina, but thats as far as it goes- you dont have to be the gender that you are taught to be.

Gender is a social construct, not completely biology. You are not preprogrammed to like cars or play with dolls or cry at movies or oogle chicks on miniskirts when they walk by. These are all things that your society tells you are normal, and that you are reccomended to follow, at least to some extent.

But wait, men now wear pink shirts and women go to hockey games. Its a start.

What Im trying to tell you is that your gender is not a mandate. IT IS A TOOL. Use those stereotypes to your advantage, not to define who you are in relationship to everyone else. Go ahead and cry if you want him to change your tire. Go ahead and burn the hell out of a microwave dinner so she'll roll her eyes and make that chicken and rice dish that you like so much. Im not necessarily telling you to go prostitute yourself in the name of liberation, but ultimately its up to you.

Dont let society define who you are based on your genitalia. Do EXACTLY what you want to do, when you want to do it. Recognize that wonderful tool that society has handed you, and use it to its full potential.

Words are meaningless. This is the first lesson you need to learn, that words are absolutely nothing. They are sounds that our faces make to represent ideas inside our heads. The ideas are what matter, not the sounds.

Anything at all can be said."I love you", "I hate you", "I want a sandwich", all of these things can be said with no more thought or effort than breathing. And yet we put so much menaing into these stupid sounds that we fool ourselves into believing that they represent reality. We cannot say certian things to certian people at certian times, and we are expected to say other things at other times to other people. We assume that there is a thought behind words, that sounds carry honesty and emotion.

They do not.

Action is what you need to look for, not the words. Anybody can say anything, but actions rarely lie. Look at the subtle twitches and tics that the rest of the body uses to communicate ideas. Even if he never says, "I love you", the flowers he brings and the chick flick he watches with you say it. Even if she says that she is interested in what you have to say, dont miss the sighs and wandering eyes that betray how bored she is. All of life is a poker game, after all.

Dont listen to the mouth, watch the hands.

There is no such thing as a right decision. Did someone sit down and write the script of your life, and you jus have to say your lines and move to the "x" painted on the floor? Does this imply that if you take the wrong turn, everything will just shut down?

Every single option you have in any situation, there are so many bad and good things that can happen. The "right" decision can suck and be twice as painful as the "wrong" one. It can make you incredibly miserable, or it can make you incredibly happy. And there is no way you'll know which its gonna be.

The only "right" decision is the one your gut pulls you to. You already know what you want, even if you dont think you do. Close your eyes and ask the question, then immediately answer it. Dont think about it, dont ponder or question or weigh options. Whatever answer immediately comes to mind is what you want to do. After you get that answer you can go questioning it all you want. But thats ultimately gonna be the "right" path.

Everything can give you cancer, ever notice that? Sugar, beer, sex, smoking, sunshine, the fucking air we breathe- all of the good stuff WILL kill you. If such is the case, then I welcome the soft hands of death with open arms. And a beer.

Why do we spend so much of our time worrying about death? God, we do obsess, dont we? Constant fear of death, constantly praying that nothing we like or know dies, constantly avoiding things that look like they may remotely cause death. We awaken in a cold sweat when we dream about death. We have made death into a deity that rivals our own monotheistic notions of God. Death isnt something that happens, its an uncontrollable force.

Death is not bad, people. Its neural. You werent here before, and you will eventually not be here again. This is not tragedy and it is not horror. There is nothing big and scary and pointy waiting for you on "the other side", whatever you have built that other side up to be. All of the illusions you have of death are born out of an unquantifiable force- none of it is real, its all stories that WE humans made up to scare and confort each other.

Life is an action and death is the equal and opposite reaction. By virtue of being alive you will die, whether you take precautions and obsess or not. So while youre here, ENJOY IT and stop worrying.

Isnt love a weird thing? Its something that gets built up until it is The Thing- "love is the greatest happiness you can ever feel, its what makes us human, and its what makes our lives worth anything". All you need is love, after all.

My dear readers, dont fall into the trap. Dont accept what youre told about love, because you will never get the full story on it. Love doesnt fix anything and everything- in fact it can bring its own problems. Love isnt a limited edition giveaway either. You have so much love in all of you, and so many different kinds of love. Dont "save up" your love for something undefined int he future, and dont rely on it as a fix- all.

Fall in love with everything- television shows, your potted plant, your favorite teacher, your best friend. Dont let that love die either. If you really do love someone, then it wont fade unless you lose interest. So dont lose interest, dont give it up. Accept love as a pain- in- the- ass force of your life. Go out and experience it for yourself and draw your own conclusions about how it works.

Ladies and gentleman! Children of all ages!Im here to inform you that you need THIS! What is this, you ask? Its the brand new, all improved, super- special Thingamajiggy! Thats right, you've been waiting for this!

It's the next generation in Stuff, designed to do more, faster! You thought that life was good when you had the Gadget? Well, this blows the Gadget away! Its twice as big/ small/ cool/ sleek/ fast! It will make you fly and lose weight and be a star among your peers and become a super chef! It will make you BETTER than you already are! In fact, it will make you someone completely different!

You never knew it existed, but now that the Thingamajiggy is here, it will make you wonder how you lived contently with your old Gadget! Buy it now, or your life will mean nothing!

Youre sitting on a beach. Lets start there.

If someone cuts out your eyes, can you still smell the water? If someone cuts off your nose, can you still hear the seagulls? If someone cuts off your ears, can you still taste the salt in the air? If someone cuts out your tongue, cant you still feel the sand under your palm? If someone cuts off your hands, can you still walk in the water?

If they cut off your feet and you have nothing left, can they cut out your memories? What matters to you that nobody can take away?

I want all of you to become great people, thats why Im here. I want you to see what you have in you, and I want you to see that you have the same spark as some of the greatest people in history. But before you can become as great as them, you have to see them for exactly who they are.

The biggest downfall of most religions is that they create heroes that are SO great that we mere mortals cant compare. Muhammed was so great that he had Gabriel visit him, for Allah's sake- how can the rest of us lead mankind if we cant even get angels to show up? Can you think of any faults for Jesus, Deborah, Saint Peter or Zoroaster? You cannot, because history has made them perfect.

If you love someone, including your heroes, you must also accept their faults and see the whole story. Now Im a big fan of Jesus, but I also know that he wasnt all perfect. Lets not forget that this man incited riots against the Roman empire. Lets not forget that he trashed a moneychanger's table at the temple. Does anyone ever think about how that moneychanger felt about that? Im not telling you that Jesus was bad, Im just saying that you need to look at the other side of every story.

Dont accept anyone as "perfect", no matter how good they are. If youre going to look up to someone, then you have to understand that they have a dark side, that they have done things that are less than perfect. Imperfection is what makes us great, not all of our good deeds and not becoming a legend. Accept the hero's faults, and accept your own.

Stuff is fun, isnt it? Its fun to acquire stuff, its satisfying to look at all the stuff you own, its a relief t be able to use that stuff. So for the record, I am in fact a fan of stuff. The trap is when you start to think of stuff as being more important as it actually is. Lets not forget that all of the stuff we have, its all there to AID our daily lives, not complete it.

The problem that stuff presents is that it creates more worry in the long run. Last week you may not have owned that pretty ring, but today you have a new worry of someone taking it away from you. Last year you didnt own that laptop, but now you live in fear of the hard drive crashing or it getting stepped on or broken. This doesnt mean that the item itself doesnt bring any joy. But each thing you own brings with it a fear of it no longer being yours. The more you own, the more of that worry you have. If you can handle that worry and still come out happier, then go for it. But dont forget that the worry is still there. Even the sweetest mead becomes a poision if you drink too much of it.

Ill repeat that mantra over an over every day: "You are NOT your stuff". Never sell yourself short on account of your belongings.What makes you life what it is isnt stuff, its how your big, great brain processes the world.

It takes a lot to get up on that pedestal of human accomplishment. Jesus, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Shakespeare- they're all up there, gleaming like superhuman heroes that changed the world as we know it. Some good, some bad, but all BIG, and that is the operative word here. Theyre superheroes. We're mere mortals. Poor us.

...And stop there. What makes them great? They used their skills to the limits. They found what they liked doing, and they did the hell outa them. Jesus felt a deep stirring in his soul that made him speak against the power of Rome, to hell with social expectations. Shakespeare made his living through his pen, and what did he leave us? Caricatures of the average people he saw on the streets every day, clothed in satire and elegant language. Mother Theresa had an eagle eye for suffering and never let civil war or distance stop that pull that she felt. These heroes, they felt the same urges that we feel. They saw the same world that we saw. And they did what they wanted to do.

Dont wait for the kingdom to come to you, because it aint coming; you have to go look for it. Never think that anyone is "more" or "better" than you. You have the same drive in you that the great people in history have, all you have to do is find it and run with it. If you cant write eloquently, then speak your mind. If you cant speak your mind, then use your hands to paint and sculpt. If you cant paint or sculpt, use those feet to prople you towards the people that need your help. If you cant walk, then use that brain of yours to make the world see the colors that you see every day.

I swear to you, an oath on my soul, that you are no different than Jesus or Shakespeare or Ghandi. You were born from the same earth as them, you see what they saw, you feel things just as strongly as they did. Dont be afraid of what others may think of you, and discard all modesty. Find that spark in you and let it run wild.